I wrote this blog while it was still January and meant to share as my resolution for 2013, but I’m a slacker so it never got posted in the month of Jan. The second month is still beginning of the year, so my post counts, right?
I don’t usually do resolutions because I feel like improvement should be an everyday goal, not just something you begin because the numbers on the calendar have changed the next day into a new year. This year though, I’m committing myself to a resolution that’s been a long time coming.
You see this picture right here?
The background story:
Being the closeted rebellious-badass that I am, I have always admired tattoos. Whenever I came across a cool design, I always thought about getting a tattoo but I could never nail down what I would get if I ever actually pulled the tattoo trigger. And because I didn't put as much thought into my choice as I should have, I made the stupidest, STUPIDEST decision ever! I tattooed the name of the one I loved at the time ON. MY. FUCKING. BODY.
I am ashamed of myself as I should be.
When I die, I CANNOT be buried with this person's name on me. I still feel very “cool” about the fact that I have a tattoo, I just need a different one. Because of where I got the tattoo, my saving graces are: (1) that my tattoo is usually covered by my hair, and (2) that my tattoo is not in English. But I know; I know what lies beneath my wispy tresses in the Amharic language. It haunts me every time I decide to sport an updo and bare the back of my neck. And I deserve to be haunted. Part of me thinks I should keep the tattoo as a punishment for my stupid-ass young and in love choice. But I can’t. I just can’t keep this name on my body any longer. It never deserved to be there in the first place.
I think about what I will tell my children when they ask about the weird drawings on mommy's neck. I don’t want my kids to have tattoos, but now I can never be an example to them. When I was in my twenties, children and being an example to them is not something I was thinking about. I was only thinking about being cool.
I have tried numerous times to meet with artists in hopes of finally getting this shit corrected, but things always fall through and in all these years nothing has ever gotten done. But no more, NO MAS!!
I wish I’d never gotten a tattoo…. Actually that’s not an honest statement. While I was writing that sentence, there was a ringing rebellion in me saying, ‘Louise, now you and I both know that if you didn't get tattooed then, it would have happened eventually.’ Truuue. Truuue. For example, last year, while walking through a mall, I decided to go ahead and get the piercing I’d been thinking about getting for a while. And I really can’t promise myself that this would be the last random hole I will puncture into my body.
I've thought about getting the tattoo removed, but because I have that random rebellion in me, I can’t promise myself that I will never be tattooed again.
If my only option is to get one of those outrageously large, colorful floral cover-ups, that simply will not do. They are hideous to me! Hopefully, my tattoo can be covered up without hideousness happening. I certainly do not want a mural on the back of my neck.
I do have a few ideas for tattoos that would speak of me, who I am and what I love and I hope to find an artist who will exceed my expectations by capturing the image I see, with perfection.
To correcting stupid decisions in 2013!
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