Part of the reason that I haven’t had as much time to complete the writings I’ve begun is because I’ve been addictively reading book after book. The other reason is because I began working a new position at my job. I’d wanted a change for a long time. I love where I work, but I was stuck in my role. Since I wanted more at work, I began to fake the role I wanted. I made myself more available to those I work with. I helped everyone with everything so that I could learn more and so that I could be noticed. I faked the role I wanted and someone took notice and that someone asked me to work for them.
I’m thrilled with my new job, but since I am always way too hard on myself, my new role gives me anxiety. Work is work. You learn how to do what you have to do and then you do it. It’s simple and it’s easy. I’ve tried telling myself this over and over, but my stress levels are still all over the place. I want to do my best, I want to be my best and I don’t want to make any mistakes, but those are unrealistic expectations that I’m putting on myself. I am so grateful that I have an amazing friend at work who works the same role and who calms me the fuck down when I start spinning out of control. She thinks I'm ridiculous when I say this, but I really don’t know what I would do without her.
Pressuring myself to write in addition to pressuring myself about work doesn’t make me makes me feel like writing at all; which is how I end up submerging myself into the sick, dysfunctional and twisted lives of the characters in the books I’ve been reading. Reading about their crazy lives relaxes me completely.
Anyway, my reason for being here is to reflect on the year as I usually do.
Since my 2016 will be epic, my reflection on 2015 is short.
2015 was a happy, happy year for me. I’m so happy it’s scary because when you’re happy, doesn’t something always happen to ruin your happiness? It took me a while to identify that happy was what I was feeling. Life is up and down, but the last two years have been amazing! I deserve it, so I’m going to enjoy this happy for as long as it lasts.
This moment of my life is so full of good stuff. I’m so blessed and grateful to be where I am today and to have all that I have. What is life without loving people to share it with? So, as usual, I’m so grateful for my friends made family; both near and far. I’m grateful that my old, fat cat is still with me and mostly I’m grateful for the wonderful man in my life and to be ending and beginning another year with him… and Pit Bull.
As a New Yorker I should be loyal to the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve Special, but I’ll be watching Pit Bull’s New Year’s Revolution. Pit Bull’s music and energy puts me in such a happy mood and that’s how I want to feel when 11:59 turns to midnight.
Auld Lang Syne depresses me so much! Am I alone here?
However you spend your New Year’s Eve, I hope you have a blast!
All the best for 2016!
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